Today I received a phone call from my very good friend Marci. We caught up for a short minute but her main reason for calling was to make sure I was ok- going through my dad’s journey of cancer. It was a great feeling to know that I am truly loved by my friends. I realize that I don’t have to be so closed about sharing my family situation with my close friends. Sure its not the best news in the world, but…its really close to me. I am changing and growing by the second. This journey might be a little more tolerable if my friends were just as involved in my life. These are the moments that count.

Cancer has become such a huge part of my life because my dad suffers from a rare and very aggressive cancer of the brain: glioblastoma. He has experienced three surgeries so far and as of today it is his second day of radiation. My dad will start his chemotherapy treatment later today. I have seen my father go through, what looks like so far, the worst. From not being able to walk, eat, swallow, and sleep to oversleeping, vomiting, memory loss, slight seizures, immense headaches, falling, and tears-just to name a few. Life has never seemed so hard and in such a short amount of time.

I pray and hope chemotherapy will be gentle with my father and to us.

On the bright side, my family is trying to transition my father into a diet of high alkaline, anti-inflammatory, and organic foods. Therefore, my whole family eating more vegan recipes. :)

Lastly cancer, no matter what, we’re not giving up.

I cannot even begin to focus on my career path because of what life throws at me. I have fear, so much fear, of what the future holds. I am scared. I never thought this could happen to my family. Growing up I never imagined my family going through such a difficult time, like now. I never thought cancer would be among my family- the very thought is foreign-yet so close and already grown to the worst -stage 4. I try to have faith. I hear so many success stories of friends of friends who are cancer survivors. Then I have a close friend whose mother just died of cancer- I went to her funeral a few days ago. There is no telling of what the future holds for my father, a newly diagnosed cancer patient.

Why the person that I called my hero growing up? Why the person that I called my “partner for ever” and still do? Why him? The only person who understood me most in my family. Why now?

Maybe I need this experience to wake myself up to the universe and to God and to  appreciating everyone and everything. Maybe I need this experience to help me grow into an even more loving being to push me more into the light. 

…This kind of suffering is hard. I know this is where I’m supposed to be but life isn’t easy, its hard. I know when this is all over I will take something so great away from this. But for the time being, my tears are like waterfalls.

So much has changed in the last month. I resigned from my school administrative job and started taking art classes (twice a week). I’m completely lost in terms of my career goals-I’m really freaking out. I just found out my dad fainted this morning and that his condition is serious. I had a gut feeling that something was wrong or there was going to be a very challenging change coming. I feel this year it going to be the absolute toughest for me. I’m full of fear but I know this is not the way to live or react. 

Life is tough but I still have faith.

Plans for the summer

Study Art History abroad.

I’m very interested in traveling and discovering new inspirations in my art career. I found two potential programs, one in Peru and the other in Europe. :)

Keep you posted!

Following my heart and living on faith.

I’m making the decision to move on from my job and start on my natural path as an artist. Taking classes at Art Center this Spring and will hopefully find a more fitting job in my field-be it film, or any visual or fine arts position.

If I’m out of a job for a while, I’m ok with that. If I find a job right away, I’m ok with that too. Right now, I’m just going to do me.  

Bless~

Hidden Treasure

New day, its a new way…with time.

Time, my hidden treasure. Treasure that has much value but needs to be found. But its found floating away with the birds in the sky. The sky, where I look when I ponder about life. Life, whispers to my soul and tells me where to find my treasure. My treasure awaits me as I travel and travel great heights to finally reach it. Reach it and have it, feel it and breathe it. It, my treasure, my time. Me time.

UPDATE: I start orientation at DreamWorks Animation tomorrow.